From one new mum to her mum-to-be best friend!

17 Oct

Hey! I wanted to capture some thoughts/lessons learnt. Thought an A-Z would be helpful as navigation, and have included links to brands/products I’ve loved. Hope this helps you!

After baby is here - the 4th trimester

You’ll have heard the first 3 months of motherhood referred to as the 4th trimester; “a time of great physical and emotional change as your baby adjusts to being outside the womb, and you adjust to your new life as a mum.”

My advice is to do as little as possible outside of resting, feeding baby, FEEDING YOURSELF!! and just soaking up the little things: her little noises, her little fingers and toes - enjoy staring at this amazing little human you’ve cared for and grown for 9 - 10 months!

Stock up on good freezer meals
Don’t feel pressured to have visitors until you’re ready

Breastfeeding

There will be local support groups that you can drop in to whenever you have issues - some friends have used them and really recommend
If you have a hospital birth, don’t feel the need to leave the hospital until it feels OK - they will want to get you home quickly, but take advantage of the on-hand midwife support while you can!
If you get a pushy midwife, or a midwife that makes you feel uncomfortable it’s your right to ask for an alternative - or get your partner or birth partner to do it for you if you’re feeling fragile (you well might in the first 24 hours!)
Ask about different feeding positions (lying down for example - an energy saver during night feeds!)
Ask about different burping methods too - I don’t know that I’ve ever really done it effectively!! Helpful to have 2-3 different tactics as air bubbles can take a while to surface!!
Also ask about engorgement and managing demand/supply - I had a few glimpses of mastitis this time around, but if you keep on top of it you can avoid the worst. Mainly need to understand how to identify too much supply (engorgement), and what to do about it
Nipple cream is very helpful - buy many tubes!
Nipple shields helped friends with breastfeeding. Little ones can find it hard to latch when tired and MAM ones have been recommended
I pumped 2nd time around and this pump was fab! The benefits are that you can use breastmilk to get her on to the bottle, and if you create a little store of breastmilk then your partner or other loved ones can help with the feeding, allowing them to bond with the baby, and freeing you up to have a few hours on your own!
Both times I’ve had a lot of milk and a fast letdown (how quickly the milk comes out!), and so breast pads have been essential to manage leakage. I tried so many reusables to try and avoid using disposables (lots of the bamboo-based nappy brands also sell reusable breast pads), but they always leaked because of how much milk I was producing, resulting in embarrassing wet patches seeping through to my top!! The Lanisoh ones have been AMAZING, especially at night when I would leak a lot and end up having to change pyjamas halfway through the night!!

Bottles

It can be helpful to get your baby used to a bottle once you’ve established breastfeeding (I think they recommend after 6 weeks) if you wish. You can express or use formula but it will allow others to help feed and help prepare them for nursery
We used a bottle early with ours with expressed milk and then used formula from 4 months for 1 feed a day
These are the brand of bottles we used for both babes
We bought a microwave steriliser so that we could do 3-4 bottles at a time, and the Tommee Tippee perfect prep machine is a lifesaver!

Another steriliser that has been recommended is the Tommee tippee UV steriliser - it has a continual setting so everything stays sterile all day. Perfect for bottle feeds, dummies, pumping accessories etc. They have sales, might be worth waiting as it's £110?

Books

Don’t do it - they make you feel like there’s one way to parent, and that’s not the case. I don’t know any new mum that hasn’t regretted reading a baby book, ending in them throwing it in the bin!

Bibs

You will need lots as she dribbles through months of teething!
I LOVE the kidly brand, and these bibs in particular as you can reverse them so they last longer! Good in the winter months too as they act as a kind of scarf

Communication

I hope this doesn’t seem at all condescending! This is the most important advice I could give you and your partner is to talk, talk, talk. You will feel frustrated and resentful at times - they will have more autonomy and be able to leave the house on their own - and I would always let my partner know how I was feeling so that it didn’t fester and grow over time! It’s hormones, sleep deprivation and a very new experience!! Whatever you’re feeling, get it off your chest!

Carriers

There are sling libraries that allow you to loan various carriers
We have a Baby Bjorn carrier, which is good in that it feels secure for our baby, but it doesn’t fit me very well (think it’s been designed for men’s bodies, ironically!!)
Ergobaby’s always look great, and I see them on mums EVERYWHERE
I also used a sling for both - this Freerider - may first HATED it, and my second loved it! They take a bit of practice to tie, but are super cosy whilst they’re newborn - I loved the contact and them snoozing whilst you have hands free to do stuff.

Clothes (for baby!)

Next, Jojo Maman Bebe and M&S are my favourites for good quality, affordable and more generous sizing that lasts longer
Gap baby is actually quite nice, but comes up small
Kidly is fab for basics - especially bibs, waterproofs and wellies when she gets older
Zara baby is cute and generous sizing as everything is oversized!
Facebook Marketplace is a go-to for 2nd hand (best for nursery as all clothes get destroyed!) - I bought so many bundles for cheap, and then just sorted through what I liked and didn’t, passing the things that weren’t my taste on to charities (apparently eBay is good too, but I don’t have the patience!)
Andostores is for treats!
Mori for supersoft basics at a higher cost
Junior Edition in Brighton is bloody gorgeous, and ridiculous - thought I’d share for a laugh as it’s so expensive (our Bub has had some lovely birthday presents from here!!)

Clothes (for you!)

Nursing dresses and nighties from Seraphine maternity. So comfy and easy to breast feed in. Ebay has some, but the Seraphine website often has great sales
(from a friend) “If you are bigger boobed like me, nursing bras in your exact size are brilliant. I use m&s and found some on ebay. I made the mistake of buying a few in 'large' size for example, but they are no where near as supportive. Good as back up thorough”

Doze, snooze, put your feet up - as much as humanly possible!

Entertainment

A few activities we’ve tried during Mat Leave. I and others have found that 1 activity per day is plenty for both you and baby. Trying to pack too many things in can add to the stress, not relieve it!!

Swimming lessons! My absolute favourite thing - teaches them to swim from so early on (never need armbands!), provides so much stimulation that they tend to sleep better from physical exhaustion, and helps strengthen the heart and lungs. Mine started at 8 weeks, and at 10 weeks - can be helpful to introduce them early, but they can also feel so tiny, so always at your own pace! I’ve tried 2 different schools in Brighton, and Little Dippers is our favourite - they do classes in Putney, but not sure that’s super convenient for you!? Watch out for ear infections though!
Baby Sensory is quite fun, but a bit mad! Definitely an option when you’re trying to build a network of mums/fill your week
I really enjoyed the Baby Massage course I did. Often a small group and really intimate - gives you a few skills to help soothe, relieve colds etc. Both my babies bloody loved their legs being massaged to help wind them down! I went to a local lady called Lucy (Lucy’s Little Angles) and she does do online courses, but for me a huge benefit was being in a room with other mums and babies, so would recommend trying to find something local
Mum and baby yoga - more a good old stretch and natter with mums, would really recommend. One of my old yoga teachers, Katy, is doing it in Stretham now that she’s a mum, and she’s just fab, I think you’d really like her. LushTums has lots of teachers all over the UK and some excellent videos for pregnancy and birth prep and the early days of postnatal practices on their Online Video Platform.
It might just be Brighton, but I find that Churches are excellent at providing for the community, and mums/babies/families in the week. Down here they’re coffee mornings with lots of space and toys for the babies to roll around - free to enter and good coffee. Just a chance to be in a different environment, and again, meet other mums!

Formula

Breastfeeding/expressing/formula - it is totally your call. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should do (Midwives and the WHO will want you to breastfeed for as long as possible - listen to Seeding the MicroBiome podcast on the LushTums website for more info about the benefits of breastfeeding for long term health.
I breastfed both for 8-9 months, but introduced formula from about 4 months, so they were largely combination fed and have been happy, healthy children so far
I was fussy about which formula they had, though - we use Kendamil as it’s the only UK brand, made in the Lake District, they don’t use palm oil and it’s quality ingredients (actually no more expensive either!)

Google

I know you know, but don’t Google symptoms! Trust the NHS and Healthline, or dial 111! Do not be afraid to call WHENEVER you need, they’re always happy to help new parents with anything

Highchair

I don’t love our highchair, so, wanted to recommend not buying this Peg Perego one (I did so much research and it was really well reviewed)! The tray was faulty really early on, and it’s a real faff to clean with all the fittings and cushions. You don’t need to worry about this really until you start thinking about weaning at 6 months, but some of the brands do nice attachments for newborns to make the most of the investment
Stokke Tripp Trapp highchairs are really popular - stylish, but expensive (make sure to look at total cost as you always need to buy attachments, so price isn’t always the headline) - you can usually find really good 2nd hand ones on Facebook Marketplace. The reason we didn’t buy this was that you can’t fold it away, and we don’t have the space to have a highchair out all the time. Recently seen that our nappybag brand, Kaos, does a similar style that folds! Wish it had been around when we were buying! Last thing on this style of wooden highchair is that they’re really slippy, which isn’t helpful when baby is working on their strength but are ready to start weaning (5-8 months-ish), so buy a fitted cushion if the brand sells one as this will support baby much better :)
I was a total snob about buying the Ikea highchair, but they’re INCREDIBLE value - £19!!! - pretty comfortable for baby, and easy to keep clean. They get used to sitting in them too, as they’re in every restaurant and cafe!I would definitely entertain it!!

Monitor

We debated whether to have a screen or not as we’d seen some friends/family become a little obsessive with watching baby sleep, but actually we find that the ability to see baby when they make noise/cry allows you to better manage when you need to go in or let them settle themselves. Some friends just used sound monitors and that worked well for them - as always it’s a really personal choice
We didn’t use a monitor for a while with our first as we didn’t think to, but put one in our room when our second baby slept with us so that we could put him down from 2-3 months or so, on his own, for his bedtime, giving you a bit of time alone in the evenings to relax and eat!! See how you go…
I love the VAVA monitor that we had with ours - really good video/sound quality

Meds

Products we always have stashes of, for colds, teething etc as her little immune systems builds:

Calpol is amazing
Calpol plug in - can use from younger, and it’s essentially homeopathic as it’s just essential oils to help them breathe when they have a cold. Makes their room smell so lovely too! The nightlight feature is totally unnecessary - I just taped over it
Baby Neurofen
Snufflebabe vapour rub
Saline nose spray - one of the only things you can do for them when they’re younger than 3 months!
This face cream for dry skin - expensive but lasts ages and claims to fight against air pollutants
Coconut oil - apparently less good for massage as it’s cooling, but great for dry skin and managing cradlecap if she gets it
Gripe water - we never used it but it is good to have on hand in case!
For bathtime I really like the Aveeno baby stuff as it’s so gentle

Muslins

You can never have too many!
Aden & Anais are beautiful and soft, and Ella bought me a Beddy Bunny one from Etsy which I’ve loved for its softness!

Nappies

It took me so long to realise you have to make sure the ‘wings’ on the inside of the nappy, around the legs, are outside the nappy, not tucked in! This helps catch any leakage!
We did use reusables with our first (Bambino Mio was our favourite), but they are a LOT of admin and up front cost (overall the cost is much less over 2-3 years of buying disposable nappies though!). When we were in a groove it was good, and we did it because of the environmental impact of disposables, but you do end up doing a lot more washing, so I’m not sure what the net benefit/cost is actually! We haven’t bothered with our second as there’s already too much going on!! If you do want to try them I would suggest using disposables for the first month as there’s already a lot to get your head around!
A few brands I’d recommend for more sustainable disposables are Kit & Kin, Bambo (our nursery use these and they hold so much!!) and Mama Bamboo (their wipes are the best, too!) - neither of our kids have ever suffered with nappy rash, and I think it’s because of the bamboo fibres being more breathable (you’ll see what I mean if you ever have to use Pampers in an emergency supermarket nappy run! They’re horrible!)
Subscriptions are a lifesaver but you have to keep on top of it as it’s trial and error to get the frequency right
It’s sometimes hard to judge whether to go up a size or not - the guidance I found helpful was that you need to size up once poonamis become a regular thing and you’re having to change clothes more frequently - it might be that the shape of the brand isn’t right for her body shape, too

Nappy bag

This is ours, and I’m getting on well with it. Would prefer it if it was waterproof though!

Nursery

Sign up ASAP
Again, specific criteria like proximity, but look especially at staff retention.

Poonamis

They will happen! Milk poos are so liquid, and sometimes the nappy just has no hope in containing the volume and speed of projection!!
Vests have expandable necks so that, if poo-covered you can pull them down over shoulders rather than overhead (may be obvious, but took me a little while to realise!)
Some people buy slightly larger nappies and then fold the top of the back of the nappy down to create a sort of poo-pocket, in the hopes of catching explosions and avoiding a clothes change!!

Places to put them

Nests/moses baskets - we found it helpful to have one upstairs and one downstairs to avoid carrying it up and down with baby when you’re on your own
For when they’re a bit older, bouncers are great, but apparently not to be used for prolonged periods as it encourages baby to stand on tip-toes rather than on the whole, flat foot
Playmats/baby-gyms - an ugly inevitability I think, and provides so much stimulation for baby. I’ve loved everything we’ve bought from Taf Toys, and this is Noah’s playmat, which comes with a few extras. You’ll grow to tolerate the songs…

Post-partum body

Technically you’re post-partum for 3 yrs as it takes your body that long to fully recover from pregnancy and birth but don’t worry, you won’t feel strange for that long!
A few specifics that are common sources of strain are ab separation and damage to your pelvic floor (mostly from vaginal birth, but pregnancy as a whole as there’s so much weight bearing)
I’d really recommend booking a post-partum trip to a women’s health physio - some specialise in women’s health so just Google and I’m sure there’ll be some great ones where you live.
I was recommended The little book of self care - not actually read it myself but am going to buy a copy now after reading the reviews!!
Again LushTums do postnatal mum & baby yoga and then Women’s Yoga for when you want to move and exercise safely without your baby there… check it out.

Routine

Again, you will find your own groove and style, but I’ve been quite ‘baby-led’ with both, and probably even more this time around. Babies really seem to thrive with a routine, and I found it helpful to have a structure to the day
I just wanted to reassure you that baby might not fall into a pattern until 5-6 months - I feel like I used to read a lot about routines being established earlier and it would make me feel as if we were falling behind - or just a bit lost in the unpredictability. I just wanted to say your baby will find their groove if, like me, you feel weird about scheduling naps etc. No need to rush this.

Ratings

I would avoid Mumsnet like the plague, but for comparisons on products I do rate Madeformums.com

Sleep

There are literally books and whole careers dedicated to this subject, so I’m not going to compete!
Second time around I have found the concept of ‘wake windows’ SO helpful (Taking Cara babies one of the few Instas and baby pros I read) - with my first I got a bit obsessed with the length of each nap, which is essentially out of your control once you’ve created a nice sleep environment, and the wake window approach encourages observation and to control the controllable!
It will be all over the place for a white - don’t get too attached to the good or bummed out by the bad as it will pass
Don’t expect a pattern for at least 6 months, but it will come!
Again, second time around we’ve actually used a sound machine as something to cover the noise of our toddler having a bath whilst the newborn tries to get to sleep! Lots of pros and cons, but another potential tool if you need a new thing to try! I think this might help with travelling, too, as it’s a familiar sound even if the environment is foreign

Teething