Birth Trauma and 3 Step Process - What happens? Before, during and after
I trained in the 3 Step Rewind Process back in 2018 with Mark Harris and Ellie Cook and a fabulous group of Bristol Birthworkers. In my work as a Pregnancy and Postnatal Yoga Teacher I work with women and families who have experienced traumatic births and I would often hear their stories and wish I could do more than just listen. The 3 Step Rewind (now called the Birthing Awareness 3 Step Birth Process) allowed me to do just that but even I could not believe the difference it made.
Lots of people are reluctant to try the 3 Step Process (or 3 Step Rewind) because they are not sure what it involves or they are scared it might somehow “make things worse”. Because of this I really wanted to document someone’s experience, in their own words, right from the beginning. The person who wrote this was originally a Pregnancy Yoga student of mine and I only found out after beginning the Process that she is a qualified Doctor practicing as a GP. I am very grateful to her for sharing her experience of the process. - Clair McGill
Written Before the first session
Why have you chosen to do the 3 Step Rewind Process?
Since my son was born 14 months ago I have experienced traumatic memories and flashbacks to the last few weeks of the pregnancy and the birth itself. This mainly relates to attending hospital appointments alone, feeling pressurised to be induced when I did not want to and fear around being alone for the birth due to the lockdown restrictions at the time. I was induced and my labour was long and complicated by several episodes where my son’s heart rate dropped and by a large post-partum haemorrhage. I had difficulty establishing breastfeeding as it turned out he had an undiagnosed tongue tie. In the months after the birth I could not talk about it, getting upset whenever anyone asked me about it and had regular flashbacks especially when trying to go to sleep. Though the flashbacks have improved, I still feel very emotional and physically feel tension and anxiety when I think or talk about it. I decided to do the 3 step rewind process to help me process what happened and to hopefully separate the emotional aspect from the trauma of the period and events. I have read about how helpful it can be for dealing with birth trauma. We want to have a second child at some point and I felt it was important to work through this now rather than risk things getting worse when pregnant again.
Did anything almost stop you?
My feelings and flashbacks have definitely improved overtime and that has often made me think I don’t need to do it. But I can tell they haven’t gone and so have decided to go ahead. I am a bit nervous of it triggering things worsening again, and feel anxious about going through what happened again and feeling upset. I am not sure I will be able to remain in a relaxed state while thinking about the events. I have quite a scientific mind so have a small sceptical voice in my head doubting whether it will help.
Have you done any other processes or had counselling or a birth debrief?
I have had a birth debrief (Birth Afterthoughts) with a midwife who went through my notes and we discussed what had happened. I found this incredibly helpful to fill in the gaps about some things I had forgotten. It was helpful to hear from an objective very knowledgeable person that she could see how difficult it had been and that she wasn’t surprised I was experiencing birth trauma, I felt this validated how I had been feeling as it is easy to think oh it wasn’t that bad I shouldn’t this upset about it. I also was reminded of more of the positives for example that we had more skin to skin than I remembered. She recommended I refer myself to Vitaminds which is the local mental health NHS service. I had a telephone assessment with them and they felt I didn’t have PTSD describing it at “strong memories of a traumatic event”. They recommended Bluebell and so I have had 6 telephone chats with a buddy. This was also really beneficial talking about it with an independent person who has experience from lots of women with similar feelings, she recommended handwriting a journal of what have happened which I found has helped me to understand some of my feelings. I also found the book “Why Birth Trauma Matters” by Emma Svanberg very insightful and useful.
Before we begin our first session, how are you feeling, generally in life and about doing the process specifically?
Generally in life I am feeling happy, I am enjoying being back at work and also love my time with my son. The flashbacks have lessened significantly with what I have done so far but I do still find it upsetting to think/talk about what happened. I am quite apprehensive about the process but also quite interested to find out what it is like and how it works. I’m also optimistic that it will help!
Written straight after the first session …
How do you feel at the moment?
I feel a bit exhausted and drained having talked about what happened and then replaying the events. I also feel relaxed and optimistic about the process as each time I played the events I found it easier to watch. Afterwards I was worried I would feel emotional and more upset about the events again but so far I haven’t.
Was the process as you imagined it to be?
In a way it was with a discussion first of what happened (which was not required to do if I didn’t want to) and then the relaxation followed by the rewind process while I was deeply relaxed. I found it easier than I thought to become deeply relaxed and remain like that when thinking about the traumatic events. Having said that, there were points I had to really concentrate to keep my mind on track (especially when I heard my son wake up from his nap and my husband go to him!).
Did you feel safe and in control the whole time?
Yes definitely. Clair made it very clear I could stop at any point, and she asked if it was OK to continue before starting the relaxation and rewind process.
Written Before the second session …
How long has it been since you did the first session and how have you been feeling during this time and how are you feeling right now?
One week since my last session. I have been feeling good in that time, I did find for the first few days I thought about the traumatic events more and actually remembered some other parts I had not initially remembered. I have not had any flashbacks or felt upset about those memories. It felt like my brain was processing the memories. Right now I am feeling positive and looking forward to the second session, particularly now I know what it is going to be like I do not feel apprehensive.
What have you noticed since doing the first session?
I noticed I was more able to talk about it and even brought up the topic when I saw my parents which I haven’t felt able to without feeling upset previously.
Written following the second session…
How do you feel at the moment?
I feel relaxed and calm. I feel optimistic and encouraged that the process has been really helpful and that going forward I will think differently about what happened.
How did you find the second session?
I found thinking about the future and how I want to feel a very positive experience. I felt in control of the process and enjoyed going back to the same place I had for the first session. As in the first session it was easier than I expected to relax and I found it less draining.
One week after session
How have you felt this week?
I have felt good this week. I have had a couple of times where I have thought about aspects of the traumatic memories, but my mind has moved to positive memories for example the first time my son latched on properly and fed. I feel quite relieved that it has helped as I have been thinking about doing it for some time.
Have you noticed any changes?
I feel more free and lighter in myself. I feel confident that if I have the memories they are less likely to upset me and knowing that in itself has really helped. As after the first session I have found it easier to talk about what happened and think about the possibility of having a second child.
What would you say to someone considering the 3 Step Rewind Process?
I’d say to do it! I delayed doing it for a while kept thinking the trauma would go away by itself, but I now realise how it could not have done as I needed to process it properly which this process has enabled. I would say don’t worry about not feeling in control or being able to relaxed enough, Clair is brilliant at helping people to reach a deep relaxation and it was always clear what I was meant to be doing and I could go at my own pace.
If you could change anything, would you and what would it be?
I would do it sooner! I would make sure my son and husband were out of the house entirely if possible as I heard my son cry which interrupted the first session. Clair had recommended that but it was logistically difficult.
BY Clair McGill - LushTums Business Development Director and Bristol Teacher